• Cop: Have you been drinking?
  • Me: I been drankin'
  • Cop: Surfbort
  • Me: Surfbort


  • what she says: you can touch my hair if you want
  • what she means: please for the love of god play with my hair feel how soft it is i will roll over into your lap like a kitten


corporateaccount:

iowa is the only state that consists entirely of vowels



beyoncescock:

i want a cute boyfriend and $500,000



clonclub:

harry potter is the only thing im good at



intertnet:

is there a scholarship for trying



oknope:

can we skip this whole “college” thing and go straight and go to the part where i have a really awesome job and spend all my time traveling?